Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
