thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
