just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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