You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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