How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
