Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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