wrigley field is MILF paradise
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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