Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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