I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Fuck appropriateness.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
