I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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