So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
