Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
