I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
