so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
