You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
