No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
how drunk are you?
Several
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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