I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
