I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
