Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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