I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
