Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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