im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
