she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
