??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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