i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
