Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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