my vag is so smooth its legendary
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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