sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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