I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
