This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
