ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
