peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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