even my farts smell like vagina
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
