are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
