There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
