very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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