Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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