I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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