It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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