just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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