Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
