I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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