I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I intend to get homeless drunk
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
