If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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