Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
