Dual....:-)
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize