I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
