I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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