It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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