so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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