maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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