Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
