i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
