Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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