you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
