Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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