He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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