Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
