Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
