I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
