She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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