Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
