Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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