Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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