I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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