I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize