Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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