We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
