Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize