Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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