I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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