he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
